“It's all right letting yourself go, as long as you can get yourself back.”LETTING GO. How do we truly let go, when is it time to let go and what does "letting go mean"?
-Mick Jagger
Lately i have constantly been confronted by this question. Whether it be in relationships, my career or in the things i like to do... like surfing, letting go is something I'm not familiar with and it's beginning to show. Perhaps letting go is a phrase i take lightly at first and then forget to revisit.
Well, today what brought me to this was a simple memory. Though i am not one to dwell in the past especially in relationships, i realized i don't think i have ever truly gotten over someone. I mean, what does "getting over it or someone" really mean? Does it mean I'm all of a sudden not going to have my life revolve around them? (because i'd never allow myself to do that to begin with.) Or does it mean that when i get home after drunken nights, the thoughts of calling won't exist. Yes, everyone just says.. "Ellen you need a new boy." But honestly, i don't think that's what i need. I like hanging out with just me. I love doing things alone because to me, being in a relationship should not be because you are lonely and bored.
So now back to the question, have i ever learned to let go? It's been so long and anytime i hear his name my heart still skips a beat. It's just like, I'm kinda still freaked about going surfing after my near drowning experience. And every time i step on stage my thoughts about past critiques still haunt me. All these thoughts forbid me from letting go, hence prevent me from moving forward. Where do i begin? Do i start with memories? (Because i tend to accidentally remember everything.) Will my bad memories all of a sudden fade, and how do i make new ones to replace the old ones? If letting go means you can think back and all you see is a clean canvas, then i have no idea where to begin.
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that's bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they're afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they're wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
-Jim Morrison
